Hello again, my endearing fans! Sorry it has been a while
since we last talked (I know I promised I’d call you in the morning, but I
swear I lost your number), but here I am again to give you an injection of what
you know you want—no, not that you little harlot—the metal! (Yes, yes, the beer
too. I haven’t forgotten). So, for today, we have an exercise in polar
opposites: I will be offering up my favorite pagan metal album in recent
years…and an awesomely (used in a highly ironic fashion) bad beer! So…COIN
TOSS…well, it looks like you get the bad end first (like you haven’t heard that
one before). On to the beer!!
THE BEER
Okay, so Shocktop is a “Belgian Style Lager” and this
particular “beer” is a bit confusing. As far as the texture goes, this beer is
thick. When I say thick, I mean that it feels like you are drinking a mouthful
of bed linens. I’m supposed to *wake up* with a mouthful of linen after a night
drinking. If I experience that sensation while I’m drinking…well why would I want
to experience more of it? Strike one. Now, as far as taste goes, apparently
these linens were rolled in a vat of raspberry syrup. Seriously, there is no
“beer” here, just raspberry. I feel like the raspberry syrup acquired a fake ID
so he could get into the club. So he passes himself off as an adult, but
forgets that instead of his ID saying Eye M. Beer, the ID is for a Mr. Santiago
Gomez, and the two don’t have even a passing resemblance to one another. I
tried taking the “well this is just maybe an after dinner dessert type beer”
approach to Raspberry Wheat, but to hell with that. After two, I decided that
there is just no redeeming quality to this beer, unless you just want to be a
douche and think you’re cool because there’s some mohawked Pac-Man piece of
orange on the bottle. And if you want to be that douche, then this “beer” is
for you. Seriously…4/10, Douche.
THE MUSIC
Grade – 9/10
I like unusual music. There, I said it. In case you don’t
follow patterns, I have a thing for metal using cultural influences and
instruments. And if the music happens to be about mythology, pagans, warfare,
or a combination of all of the above, then if I don’t like it I’m at least
going to give it a chance. Eluveitie is a melo-death metal (keep up with the
genres!!) band from Switzerland that use folk instruments in combination with
traditional metal and sing many of their songs in the archaic Gaulish language.
Previous entries into the Eluveitie catalogue have been solid “folk metal”
albums, the death vocals meshing quite nicely with the dual female vocals. “Helvetios”,
however, is the first metal album (“Evocation I: The Arcane Dominion” was a full on folk
album) that really has vocal duties split between the death vocals and the dual
female vocals. Even the background female vocals are more prevalent and in the
forefront on this album. A few of the tracks even manage to relegate the death
growls to backup vocals, changing pace from the typical (I use that word
loosely in conjunction with this band, as there is nothing “typical” about them)
rush of Eluveitie’s albums. Now, this emphasis on the melody does not detract
from the heaviness of the album. If anything, the shared focus on the melodic
vocals and death vocals allow for a better contrast of the feeling of war and supplication,
death and peace. There really isn’t a throwaway track on this album. On “Helvetios”
more than many of the other album, even the spoken interludes (whether English
or Gaul) and instrumentals create a dramatic atmosphere. Normally, I try and
listen to an album and find standout tracks, but I was hard pressed to find
tracks that truly stood out. But this isn’t because nothing stands out, rather
everything stands out. Every time I tried to say “holy crap, this is the best
song on the album,” there would be an interlude that would lead into a track
even better than the last. “Helvetios” is more than a solid album from a
consistent band, this album would have to be considered a high point in the band’s
career and it is definitely my favorite in the band’s catalogue.
- Mosh
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